Are you optimally well?

For Unit 3 in my college wellness class, I asked myself this question..  I took this class before, but ended up being unable to finish it up the way I hoped I could..  But looking back at my previous blog post for this unit, I realize I am in a much more different place now than I was then.  The following is the introductory paragraph that I had written last semester for this unit.

"This week, my Wellness class has asked us students to analyze and rate our own wellness on several scales: Physical, Spiritual, and Psychological.  For those of you who may read this and aren't in the same class and aren't sure what I'm talking about, the Wellness class I'm referring to is one that is teaching us the concept of integral healing, which is a balance of physical, psychological, and spiritual treatment where one is asked to take an active role in manifesting their own healing, going beyond what modern medicine and science are capable of.  It's a beautiful concept, the idea that with the right state of spirit our bodily and psychological health can be positively affected and controlled/altered to make us generally healthier people.  It almost seems too good to be true, but when you think about it, it makes perfect sense.  People adhere to external stress all the time - it consumes their physical health, psychological well-being, and diminishes whatever spirit they may have had before because it takes over the tangible areas of their lives.  But people who are always in good spirits, calm and relaxed, constantly in a state of 'zen' within every environment they are in - I've never seen someone like that in bad shape, or heard of someone like that being unhealthy.  I guess when it is so visible when we lose control of what goes on in the world outside of ourselves, it is easy to relinquish the control we have on the inside because as human beings, we are so affected by external/environmental circumstances that we cannot change." (Ajax, 2014).  Not entirely sure I cited that correctly and I'm fairly certain that I won't take myself to court for plagiarism, but it's better to be safe than sorry.

Last semester when I was in this class, I was so optimistic and clear-minded..  It seemed like things were getting better, I changed my diet and started eating less and when I do eat I try to keep it light and healthy, and maybe it's just a side effect of my body adjusting to the healthier way of life but my spirits haven't been high.  This is relevant because this unit asks me to measure where I stand on a scale of 1 to 10 in the realms of Physical, Psychological, and Spiritual health.  Physically I think I'm doing better, I'd say I'm at a 7 now when before I was at 6.  Psychologically, I would say I am at a 6 or 5.  And Spiritually, as life's adversities come and go, and I realize where I am in my life compared to where I'd like to be, and it's been getting to me a little bit.  So with that said, in spite of my waning emotional/mental state, my spirit is still strong at an 8.  I don't intend to give up and I do intend to become better, so I'm going to continue looking up and working towards my goal of betterness in all areas of my life.  The goals I had written for each area of experience are similar to what they were last semester.

Physically, I want to be more muscular and flexible, less gelatinous and able to endure much more physically.  I just want to be physically fit and weigh loss, look in the mirror and see some inner beauty projected to the outside, or at least find humbleness in what I look like now, but that's more of a psychological goal.

Spiritually, I want to confidently devote myself to a set state of mind and continuously maintain it.  I have beliefs but my passion for them has diminished considerably, which depresses me and possibly puts me into the current state of apathy I'm in.  I want to realize me purpose in life and have the resource at my disposal to go after whatever it is with intensity, and maintain the momentum of integrity until the day I die.

Psychologically, I want to be at peace with my life, but not in the way of indifference - I want to be able and willing to see the reason for things that have happened, and put the pieces together to form a greater understanding of my life.  I want everything to mean more to me, to make me more motivated to change the things I can for the better.  I also want to be rid of my need for external validation of my identity and worth as a person, and to live and be driven to satisfy my own expectations of myself rather than those of everyone else.  But you know what else I would like that has changed from last semester?  I would like to stop feeling so alone, and work harder on building strong relationships and friendships, 'ships that are more honest so that they can endure, and i want to stop being so willing and ready to throw in the towel and give up on getting to know other people, and especially give up on letting them get to know me.  We all fear rejection at points in our lives, but I'm really realizing how detached I've always let myself become from others to the point where I don't even know how to begin to make friends, or continue a conversation.

To achieve these goals, all I can do is take it one day at a time as I have been.  Some days are bound to be harder than others, and some seem like a breeze, and I'm on top of the world.  I think I'm simply going through a "my life and relationships aren't fulfilling" phase.  We all experience that in life at one point or another right?  Or is that just me bein' crazy?  I have to remember that self-reliance is a big thing, and I also have to remember that although we are alone, it is through our interactions with others that we also find who we are.  Sometimes this awareness of how we compare to other people is bad, but at other times, it's constructive and useful and necessary to catalyze personal growth.  So another thing I need to do to achieve these goals is to become more secure in myself that I can see admirable qualities in others that I could stand to develop for myself without beating myself up about not already being admirable in that rite.  If all that makes sense.