I struggled with the Subtle Mind practice, but i would like to try it again later on. At the moment, it is asking too much for my awareness to slip into the natural state of my mind, as I struggle with anxiety and although I've overcome a lot of it, these past 2 days it has been completely unrelenting. During these 2 days I have been constantly having to remind myself not to cling to negative thoughts, feelings, impulses, but the struggle has been a mixture of ins and losses as I give in just a little extra to the negativity that I'm faced with. A lot of it is self-inflicted, certainly, and i think that what i must do is revisit the Loving-kindness practice again and again. I know I'm making progress but sometimes I just feel as though I want to jump out of my skin.. I don't really know how to bring myself back to that centeredness that is self-assured and stable, and I'm afraid that talking about it to anyone besides myself and this blog will only aggravate things, as i want to let this pass. I need a new frame of mind, and a renewed sense of self based on something personal and uniquely Me.
The Loving-kindness exercise is a necessary precursor to the Subtle mind exercise because it opens the mind-body, and spirit to meaningful connections with other people. Although these connections may not always foster positive results, we learn to open ourselves to the positive potentials of such relationships, and we learn to graceful open ourselves to love and kindness as well. Once we successfully achieve this, we become more susceptible to not only positivity but negativity fostered through this openness towards others. What the Subtle practice is able to help us achieve is a firsthand look at the way our minds translate everything outside as well as inside from an objective level. It gives us access to our witnessing consciousness, where we mentally take a front row seat and observe the steady flow of thoughts and feelings that enter our minds, without allowing the entry of these thoughts and feelings to alter our mindset. It is an alternate form of openness, because we open our minds to all things we perceive on all levels of conscious perception, but strengthen the ultimately Constant state of mental acknowledgement without giving excess attention to a single thought or feeling.
Last semester I successfully completed this exercise, and it was one of the greatest clams I'd ever experienced - it felt transcendental, like I was one with everything, like I was at peace with everything. With more and more practice I hope to achieve this feeling again, the feeling of Unity consciousness. But i must first achieve a state of calm-abiding, which will come in time once I have achieved consistent witnessing consciousness without exception.
-Ajax
Hello Ajax,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you in regards to this exercise right now is not working for me. I tried to practice it for 2 different days and I have too much going on in my mind to actually block everything out. I would like to be able to successfully complete it one day as you did. Do you practice forms of meditation in your daily life?
Court
This exercise is very difficult. It is so hard to focus when you have a lot going on. I know personally its hard to feel at peace, and any quiet time I have I feel like there is something that I should be doing or forgot to do. I too would love to feel that oneness, but it will be my first time. I hope it gets better for you!
ReplyDeleteIt always hard to keep away from anxiety. I know the feeling cause I have an anxiety disorder and I do what I can to help myself focus on the positive emotions and thoughts rather than the negative, however anxiety has a real way of trying to break you down. I had a hard time with the practice as well but do want to try all these practices maybe later in life when there is no stress of deadlines and high pressure.
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