Maybe writing a blog whilst drunk isn't a good idea.. But the reflection that alcohol provides on one's life really has the power to conjure a lot of different feelings.. In conjunction with music, there is no more-emotionally-driven pair. i have nothing worthwhile to say in a blog, and the only people who will care about what i have to say here are people I would say this stuff to outside of this.. You know, on the wonderful world of Facebook and every other type of social interaction possible that doesn't require face-to-face conversation. ;p
I guess for those who are curious, I'm listening to soundtrack music. First I was listening to Cowboy Bebop music, mainly the songs "Call Me Call Me," "Rain," "Dijurido," "Gotta knock A Little Harder," and "Flying Teapot." Beautiful sad-mood/thinking music, and if you are curious enough to look up this soundtrack don't underestimate its capacity to yank on your heart-strings because it seems to have come from a not-so-childish cartoon. It's real music, and even though it doesn't really matter what you think, I just want to compliment it even further by telling how much it gives me real feels.
Aside from drinking a wee-bit out of my boyfriend's Woodford Reserve, I would have to say that in life, I am in a bit of a stupor. I have nee stupid, waiting for Luck to come my way, waiting for everything - believing that Everything would come together on its own. It hasn't, and I am a fool for being so mindlessly idealistic as to believe that.. I put myself down because I am 24 and am finally beginning to understand just exactly how the world works, but I'm starting to realize that such idealism is why the world became such a dark place in which to live.. Nobody has faith anymore.. Not really in themselves, definitely not in each other, not in the Cosmic forces that enable us to continue 'being' here. That innocent faith which enables us to grow but doesn't necessary allow us to die.. Because we truly believe in the back of our minds that things will never get better, that no matter how much we talk to ourselves and pray to the Higher Power, nothing will change, because we have given up on our own individual abilities to change things.. Why do we do that to ourselves? It's the same reason why people lose integrity in their jobs and stop taking pride in their work.. we begin asking ourselves, "What's the point?" and we begin to realize how long that question goes unanswered, so we just stop asking, stop making the effort, and do as little as we can without being criticized, and also by desensitizing ourselves to our very own critique. Is constructivism criticism even a thing anymore? I've been so out-of-the-loop with the world that i don't even know what concepts are being passed down from generation to generation, and it seems everyone these days has a tendency to take everything personally in a negative way..
You know what kinda scares me? Is that the way in which I perceive the world to be is simply a manifestation of my own beliefs. it is quite possible that i am out of touch with people so much so that i no longer know what drives them.. If such is the case, tell me what drives you.. Make me less foreign to the ways of the new world so that i can incorporate my own values into it without offending anyone.. I want to have ideals, but they seemed to have dwindled into the past along with my old self.. Someone awaken me from this downtrodden Earth I feel i belong to so that i can appreciate the vastness of the skies, the variety of Earth's species, and the complexity of human experience so that I know that it is Not all for Nothing.
I never really had a direction in which to take this blog.. Just had some 'things and stuff' in my head that i needed to unleash, stuff that will hopefully make sense later on because it definitely doesn't as of yet..
